In My Own Head
by TeamRocketGirl
Summary: Jessie reflects on her life and James.


James and Meowth had left about 30 minutes ago, leaving Jessie all alone. They had begged her to go with them, but she just felt she needed to spend some quality time inside her own head.

Life like this had become so numbing, she ached, burned for a release, a release from the torment she experienced everyday. The torment she was speaking off was not the daily blasted offs, the bone shattering landings, or even having the several thousand bolts of electricity tear through her skin on a constant basis.

No, that was not was made her melt into depression whenever she had a spare moment alone. No, she felt depressed because of the choices she made and the person she has become. Because of the facade she has created for herself, to remain tough and vigilant, she will never gain her greatest wish, which by the way has nothing to do with becoming famous and being surrounded by loads of cash.

No, her fondest wish is just to be with her partner and best friend, James, to the end of eternity. But what really kills is the fact that she wants more with him. But she knows, she knows deep down he must hate her. He is so kind and sweet, not even really cut out for the life of a ruthless Rocket. She is everything that a Rocket Soldier should be deadly evil with a temper to match.

He is not evil, not by a long shot.

She gave up her humanity and sold her soul to the devil a long, long time ago. She needn't be dead to realize she is in hell. Everything in her life is part of hell's wrath, she is being punished for her misdeeds. But what burns her more than to know her whole life is meant be suffered through is that he must suffer along with her.

Meeting her was the biggest mistake of his life, but he probably hasn't even realized it yet. One day when he finally does, she will truly die inside.

She sighed, and leaned over, burying her face in the pillows of the soft bed they had managed to scrimp enough change together to rent for the night.

What hurt was tears were so hard to come by, she wished she could cry out all her troubles, to at least feel that kind of release but she couldn't. Crying was not part of her stoic personality, she can't even recall the last time she let herself go in that kind of way. She believed she probably cried her last tears when she learned her mother wasn't coming back.

Finally she sat up and spied James' Team Rocket coat, he didn't bring it with him because it would be unwise to travel around with a big red "R" on your chest. It was an easy way to get a one way ticket to the big house.

She clutched the material to her chest, smelling the fabric, his scent lingers strongly between the fibers of the material. She sighed deeply, feeling very comforted for the first time in ages.

A few stray tears leaked out of her sapphire eyes staining the white material of his uniform.

She gently cradled it in her lap as she peeled away her own uniform, the white overcoat, the black top, and finally her bra. She pulled his shirt over her head, she just needed to be close to him somehow. And since she couldn't be really close to James, she knew this was the only way.

The sleep she had been craving all day finally crept up on her and stole her away into dreamland.

When they finally returned, James was a bit confused, when he checked on his redheaded partner, he found she had been crying, smudges of black mascara lined her pale cheeks. He felt she had been a bit sad lately.

Something else he noticed was that she was wearing his Rocket coat. He smiled, knowing he was able to comfort her when he was not even present and for the fact that it was him she sought comfort from.

He climbed into the bed beside her, and wrapped an arm around her slim waist, pulling her close to him, inhaling the scent of her hair, it smelled like strawberries.

He lifted himself up slightly and planted a firm kiss on her sleeping lips. This was as much as he dared be with her.

He didn't know if she reciprocated the feelings that filled him. He was too far in love to ever selfishly try to take it to a higher level, that it might ruin their friendship.

Many would wonder why he felt anything for a girl like her, a seemingly cold and mean soul. It was because he knew her better, he knew what she hid underneath the mask, and it far out shined the hatefulness she presented to the world.

She was strong, he knew why she acted they way she did, to protect them. He admired her for that. He loved her for that.

Maybe one day he would have the courage to tell her.

One day...when I can release the feelings captive in my own head, he thought before he drifted off to sleep beside his Jessie.


End file.
